It’s been awhile since I’ve felt the urge to write just because. I’ve always had a start/stop relationship since I had the idea to create a blog probably 5 years ago.

There was a sequence of events that led to me writing this. 

  1. Someone that I am growing a friendship with had the audacity to throw in my face that I had to accept that I was a creative at heart. Her exact words were, “The first step is to admit that you are a creative.” Then she told me to go write.

     2.  I was reading (which I’ve been doing a lot lately) and this captured my soul…

”I cried because I knew I was not ready to write about shame. And that I couldn’t write about shame without writing about me.” ~Yolo Akili Robinson

After reading those words I had an epiphany. 

I don’t stick to writing because it starts to require too much of myself in it.

Then I started thinking about this plateau that I’ve been in as a business owner and everything aligned. I have a bit of shame being open and vulnerable about what is really going on in my life.

I mean, I can give you curated information…that is information I’ve specifically picked out of my life to pull you in, to see that you can relate to me. The other stuff, I keep to myself because to show you that part of me would mean to show you that I am not perfect.

Logically, I’m super aware that I am not perfect, but the perfectionist in me does not believe that. She and I have been having some real power struggles lately.

She wants to make sure that everything we do has a perfect package, with the tissue paper properly fluffed, and the bow tied just right. And me, I’m over here ready to make a mess…throw that shit in a plastic bag and let’s go already.

To show all of me would also mean to admit that I’m not that far ahead of the women I work with. 

Isn’t it a cardinal business sin to admit that I am not light years ahead of my clients?

Isn’t it frowned upon to be going through the same lesson my client is going through…AGAIN?

I love being a therapist and a coach…I truly do. AND <<< because I’m learning how to stop relying on the word BUT >>> I’m having a hard time stretching as a person as I do it.

Let me stop lying…I am terrified to stretch any further out of my comfort zone. I have no clue what it looks like over there. And then here comes Ms. Perfectionist…you have to have it all figured out because you have a client that is going to ask you this same question in 2 hours.

Panic sets in…what am I going to say? How can I support her through this?

And then like magic, I support her, guide her, and empower her!!!

I log off of another session and am reminded that I have the tools to do this shit. And I’m damn good at it too.

Most of the time it’s easier to walk someone through the fire than it is to walk through it yourself.

So here I am. Giving this writing thing another chance, from a place of vulnerability and authenticity. 

I want you to know that I struggle with showing up for myself everyday. I also have no clue what the “right” answer is when stuff comes up.

All I know is that my focus is to make it easy, simple, and fun in 2023.

Welcome back to The Chronicles!!!

~Natasha Chentille