I can’t believe how fast time has flown. I’m officially the mom of a 16 year old.
My brain can’t…even…right…now!
Usually I would make some mushy post on social media, that he doesn’t even see. I wonder if that’s more to celebrate me than it is for him? (something to think on)
This year I’ve decided to do something a little different.
To say that this year has been hard as a mother would be an understatement. Honestly, the last few years have been the hardest…battling personal stuff and mom stuff.
My partner always mentions being in the first time parent program. I would like to address being part of the first time having a teenager parent program.
I thought it would be interesting to document 16 things that I’ve learned about this journey. About my son. About myself. About our dramatic dance in this world.
1. Give credit where credit is due. I have successfully kept a human alive for 16 years. That is something to be celebrated.
2. Control is limited. No matter how much I think I can influence my child’s path in this world, I can’t and that is something I continue to battle being okay with. Especially when he chooses to take the path that is going to knock him down.
3. Some have to touch the stove. Just because I steered away from the hot stove when I was his age, doesn’t mean that he will do the same. Some people literally have to touch the stove to get the concept.
4. I’m still a human at the end of the day. After some really intense interactions with my son, I recognize that I still deserve respect as a human being. Yes, there is still learning that continues to happen AND I have expectations about how we are just nice humans to each other in my home.
5. It truly takes a village. I’ve learned to be okay with not being able to consistently hold space for my son. There are times where I have to explore my triggers, which means I can’t be the container for him when he needs it. Insert all those that have said yes to being my backup in these parenting streets.
6. Asking for help doesn’t make me a bad mom. There was a point in time where I took pride in not asking for help when it came to my son. I would grind and hustle to make things happen for us. I no longer subscribe to that anymore. I want and ask for all the help. We both deserve it.
7. My influence decreases over time. It is hard to accept that I am no longer the main influence in my son’s life. Especially when I know there aren’t the best influences out there. I choose to have faith that my whispers in his mind will help him to make the best decisions.
8. Everyone isn’t striving for perfection like I was. For the longest, I couldn’t understand why my child didn’t want to be a straight A student. Why was it okay to not strive for higher than average? It wasn’t until I started doing my own unlearning that I realized, success really looks different for others.
9. Grandma does not have the answers. I’m not sure why, but I expected my mom to be able to answer all the questions I had about why my child did the things he did. I’ve since realized that there really is no manual Natasha! My kid is his own being and she can only give me so much. The rest I have to filter through myself.
10. Trauma is inevitable. Now I’m not talking about severe abuse or neglect. However, let’s be honest, I was 20 and still in undergrad when I had my son. I had no clue what I was doing with a kid. I wasn’t quite done being a kid myself.
11. Boys have yucky habits. And they don’t end when they get older. If anything, it seems the habits become even more yucky and bizarre.
12. Not every boy is a momma’s boy. Both of my boys are all about their dad’s. My role is more of the taxi cab, doctor, chef, and personal assistant to their needs.
13. Time does fly. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how we got to 16 already. My heart drops when I think of how quick the next few years are going to go by.
14. My best is enough. Sometimes I sit back and think about all the ‘shoulds’ of my parenting journey. Then I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with the information that I have. Information that continues to evolve as I get older.
15. Love and like are very different. Just because I don’t like how my son makes his decisions or the person he is being in specific moments, doesn’t mean that I don’t love him.
16. I’m not alone. There are times I go through really hard moments with my son and it feels like I’m all alone. My brain doesn’t compute that others are having the same situations, sometimes worse. It is important to use my support to remind me that this too shall pass, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I have no clue what is next for us in this 16th year, but I do believe that we will get through it. And I will continue to be present in the moments while I can because soon he will be in this world. A world that is not his biggest fan, a world that has already counted him out.
Despite the odds, he will make it…and so it shall be!!!
What have you learned in this journey called motherhood?
~Natasha Chentille
